The perfect fudgy gluten free brownies with steps on how to make your own almond flour.
After I posted about the watermelon mojitos recipe on my instagram feed, I just didn’t feel right. There was a sense of guilt. The image of the migrant workers at Anand Vihar bus terminal had been stuck in my head. As I sit here in my house, with a well stocked pantry, posting stories of food and cocktails, with Anubhav by my side for companionship and comfort, and family and friends just a call away, all in good health, I felt so privileged and I felt guilty for feeling that way.
I know both Anubhav and I have worked hard to be where we are today. We have struggled, we have made sacrifices, we have given up on sleep, taken our health for a ride to be where we are today. And all those years of hard work will just go because there is a good likelihood that we will be out of work for the coming months. And even when we would get work, we might have to go back to charging rates that we started with just so that we don’t lose any work that we are getting. Still, we will have a roof over our heads. We will still have three meals to eat. We will not have the luxuries that we had which we worked hard to get, but we will still manage hopefully.
Yesterday was a particularly bad day with a lot of emotions going through. I know its a passing phase. For me this social distancing wasn’t unwelcomed. In fact before the lockdown or curfew, I had told Anubhav how I wanted to take some time off to concentrate on the blog- to recipe develop, shoot and style for myself. The last few months working for clients according to their needs was not giving me creative satisfaction. I had some assignments in March which I thought I will wrap up and then take a months break to work on the blog. Its weird that the universe really listened to me. But now when it has, and I am doing what I wanted to, that image of the migrant workers stuck in my head and made me feel guilty.
Since the covid-19 pandemic and the following lockdown that was imposed, I have been struggling with a conundrum. I had stocked up on ingredients for a salad series- and ingredients that are probably now exotic. I still have some left. And I would like to finish those. I had saved up on recipes I wanted to try which might not be “pandemic friendly”. I still crave chocolate. I still love baking. These are the things that give me comfort. Especially now when we can’t do anything else, its comforting to be in the kitchen. To plan meals. To shoot things. These are the things that were hobbies for me before they turned into a profession. And these are the things I need to do to feel normal. I understand that every recipe I post might not be helpful. I understand that there will be recipes that you will not be able to make in the kitchen. I also understand that there might be recipes that might feel celebratory and indulgent during these times and I will second guess myself before posting- but I will continue doing it – because I need to do it for myself. This part I am writing more to justify these actions to myself I guess, than for anybody else- I know I am trying to do the right things wherever possible. I know I will continue to try and be a better person and I need to remind myself that its okay to enjoy with my loved ones when I can. I am trying my best to not be wasteful. I am trying my best to be helpful. I am trying my best to see this through.
Its overwhelming though. The superficiality of all this comes through. Feeling both emotions at once- enjoying the time to create freely, while seeing others suffer. These are unprecedented times. Our parents have also not seen anything like this. The whole world is shut down. We do not know what will happen. We do not know how long this will last. We do not know how long till we start to work again. All that we have worked for the last couple of years, holds no meaning in the current scenario. We just have each other. We luckily have a roof, and a decently stocked pantry- for how long though, no one knows. We have a grocer less than 50 mtrs away. The vegetable and fruits guy is right next to the place. But if things get worse, would the supply of fresh fruits and vegetables also get affected. We are trying our best to not overeat. So I pre plate the meals. Try not to go for second helpings, either freezing leftovers, or saving them for the next day. But then there are times, when I want to go in the kitchen and bake something. These gluten free brownies were a result of that. It was not the first time I was trying gluten free brownies, but I think the first time I quite nailed them. And I want to share that.
I spoke to a friend yesterday and he made me realise that its okay. Its okay to enjoy. Its okay to be normal. Its not that the world wasn’t suffering before. The poverty that is in our faces today, was there earlier too. And we cant help it. We can only make the most of the cards we are dealt with. So anyone who is feeling how I am feeling, I want to tell you- do whatever that makes you happy, that makes you feel normal. I know its a sad way to put it- but people were dying earlier, were suffering from poverty, joblessness and still you managed to make the best of the situation you had. So continue you- definitely try to be helpful wherever you can, to be compassionate to those less fortunate, donate if within your means to a good cause. But don’t feel guilty for taking that break, for drinking that cocktail, for enjoying this time off. After all the hard work you have put to be where you are, its okay to take that time off and enjoy it. Its okay for you to spend time with your family and not take on the weight of the world on your shoulders. You can’t change the course that nature has decided for us. You can be more sensitive to others issues, but you need not stop living. Thats not how the world works.
So laugh freely. It’s okay. No one should judge.
If you feel like doing nothing, don’t. Just because you have the time does not mean you need to be productive. Its okay if you do not want to pursue that hobby, or learn a new skill, or hone your existing ones. If all you want to do is nothing- take that break and do nothing. Its okay. Just because others are sharing stories of all the cool new things they are learning and you have nothing to show- that is okay..they are doing what they think is best for them, and you don’t have to feel the need to follow. Take this time off to just relax. Its the best time to not compete.
If you feel sad that you are out of that chocolate bar, you can. It might seem petty, but its okay. We have been used to certain things coming easily in our lives. We no longer have access to those things, and its okay if we feel sad about it. Its okay to openly express that feeling. Similarly its okay to go to the grocery store and buy that packet of chips. You can have that guilty pleasure. But do not hoard.
Go indulge in that baked good. Yes, there are people who might be struggling with groceries, but there always were. Maybe prepare a meal for someone you think who might need it, or give food to a stray dog/cat. Or do your part by just staying in. Its okay to enjoy some nice chocolate goodness. Not everything has to be dal roti sabzi or simple meals. At least not yet. So enjoy them if you can.
And make these gluten free brownies, if you have the ingredients. These helped me quite a lot today. I was to ration them over the next few days, but they hit all the right spots today and I am not guilty for eating more than I should. Because today I needed to feel normal.
The recipe for these gluten free brownies is adapted from One Lovely Life’s recipe. I do not have almond flour with me, so I made my own. To make sure that I have enough almonds for another batch, I subbed some of the almonds called for with oats.
To make almond flour at home, blanch the almonds in boiling water for 30 seconds, remove and rinse under cold water for a few seconds. You should be able to peel the skin off easily. Lay the almonds down on a tray and let dry completely in the sun or under the fan. The almonds should be completely dry before you grind them. When you grind the almonds with the cocoa powder and oats, make sure to use the pulse mode. It gives you better control, and ensures that you don’t end up with almond butter instead of almond flour.
You could grind the almonds with the skin on too, but the texture of the brownies will be different. I haven’t tried this recipe without the eggs. If and when I do, I will update it here. You could try replacing the egg with a chia egg substitute but am not sure how it will work, so I can not guarantee the results. Or you could try this eggless brownie cake from the blog archives.
While oats are naturally gluten free, since some brands process them in the same facilities they process wheat and other grains there are chances of contamination. Someone with celiac should read the label before using the oats- they should be labeled gluten free. If you are just avoiding wheat for health/diet reasons, then go ahead and use that box of oats.
If you try this recipe for gluten free brownies out, please do tag me on instagram, facebook or leave a comment here. Stay safe, stay healthy and stay calm.
