Ok.
I am depressed.
and
Mad.
and
hurt.
and
so not pregnant!
Before you get the wrong impression- this is not the case where V and I have been trying and haven’t been able to get pregnant or anything like that. Believe me, pregnancy and a baby is not on our agenda in the near future. We are just not ready.
The story behind such strong emotions and me declaring to everyone that I am not pregnant goes back two days when two photos were posted by two different people on facebook.
Those photos were of me.
A very not pregnant me.
One was clicked in April.
And one in September, on our recent trip to Vegas.
Within hours of my two friends posting those pics of me, three of my other friends messaged/mailed asking whether I was pregnant.
One did not even ask.
She was so sure I was pregnant that she sent me her good wishes and how happy she was that I was pregnant.
The people who posted them are two dear people in my life.
The people who remarked on them are also very dear.
And since they are dear, those remarks hurt me even more.
Now I know how that Home Depot lady felt when my preggo friend’s kid asked her at checkout “Are you pregnant too?”
I’ll tell you how she felt.
She felt devastated!
She felt mortified!
Suddenly, that sandwich she was eating, made her feel like puking. (might as well play the part since you look it, right?!)
And now imagine a situation, where a similar incident happens to the same person three times in a day.
The hurt is that much more.
Ask me.
It makes you go into unimaginable grief.
And if in case you see the remarks just before leaving for your morning jog, all you can think of is how to get to the jogging track as quickly as possible. And how to shed that “no-baby baby bump” (N3B, in short) away.
Of course, because of all the havoc the messages have caused on your mental state, you forget to take your cap or put sunscreen, and are left tanning away to glory, jogging in the hot blazing arizona sun (you would be surprised how strong it can be even at 6.30 in the morning). And unlike fair skinned people, tanning is not welcomed by us “brown people”.
Also gone, is the feeling that jogging is a stress buster.
Everytime your body releases endorphins, your brain releases the words “fat as a pregnant lady” and sends stress signals all over your body.
And during the jog, besides dodging the resounding words “you have a baby bump”, you are also mentally planning your new healthy diet.
Now you are a stressed-out sickly tanned brown girl with a N3B.
Actually you are an out-of-breath, stressed-out, sickly tanned brown girl with a N3B.
Once home and once you have stopped panting like a mad dog, you turn to the guru of all healthy food bloggers, Heidi Swanson for healthier recipes to fit your newly resolved diet plan.
This is one such recipe.
Heidi names it the “Easy Little Bread” recipe.
I, aptly, have named it the “I-am-not-Pregnant” Bread.
And for those who are worried I’ll stop posting about the good stuff full of butter and cream-
-don’t worry-
I’m eating some chocolate to take care of that depression of mine!;)
THE I-AM-NOT-PREGNANT BREAD
FYI this bread is absolutely delicious!
adapted from 101 cookbooks
- 1¼ cups / 300 ml warm water (105-115F)
- 2 teaspoons active dry yeast (one packet)
- 1 tablespoon molasses (Heidi used honey but I thought I'll try with molasses)
- 1 cup / 4.5 oz / 125 g unbleached all-purpose flour
- 1¼ cup / 5 oz / 140 g whole wheat flour
- ½ cup ground flaxseeds, mixed with 3 tbsp poppy seeds and 2 tbsp wheat germ (Heidi used oats but since I did not have any I decided a healthier spin)
- 1½ teaspoons fine grain sea salt
- 2 tablespoons butter, melted, for brushing
- In a medium bowl, sprinkle the yeast onto the warm water and stir until the yeast dissolves. Stir in the molasses and set aside for a few minutes, until the yeast blooms and swells a bit - 5 - 10 minutes.
- In the meantime, mix the flours, ground flax seeds, poppy seeds and wheat germ and salt in a large bowl. Add the wet mixture to the dry and stir very well.
- Brush a 8-cup loaf pan generously with some of the melted butter. Turn the dough into the tin, cover with a clean, slightly damp cloth, and set in a warm place for 30 minutes, to rise.
- Preheat the oven to 350F / 180C, with a rack in the middle. When ready, bake the bread for 35-40 minutes, until golden and pulling away from the sides of the pan. I followed Heidi's tip to finish things up by leaving the bread under the broiler for just a heartbeat - to give the top a bit deeper color.
- Remove from oven, and turn the bread out of the pan quickly. Let it cool on a rack so it doesn't steam in the pan. Serve warm, slathered with butter (or not if you want to get rid of that N3B).
shumaila tht was one soulful read and at some point of time I also carried the N3B poster around – it really will help if people were more sensitive before concluding but having said that please don’t stop ur butter n cream n chocolates- wishes n cheers !
Thank you for your comment! Well, since these were my friends, i did not take too much offence, but yes it did make me take my exercising more seriously. Also its also a good reminder for me when I reach out for that fried snack. My brain immediately sends me my friends messages and I control myself!
SO i guess you are not pregnanat 🙂 he he he sorry for the silly joke ..
the bread looks yummy ..
I so very understand how you feel. When I attended my sister’s wedding early this year in India, so many of my relatives thought that I was expecting. 🙁 since then , I have been trying very hard to lose all the gained wt ..but it aint easy 🙁 . The bread looks lovely , I can never imagine myself actually making it … M too too too novice I guess 🙂 .
Its pretty easy to make this bread. Not too much work required. Just need to activate the yeast by making sure the water is neither too hot, nor too cold (it should be lukewarm).
As for losing weight-thats never too easy. Gaining, of course, is!
great strategy with the chocolate.
Theres no sorrow a dose of chocolate can’t handle!
That sounds like a horrible day! the kind I call..nutella jar days! you get the picture..
people should really be more sensitive..sorry you had to go through this Shumaila..
Haha. Don’t worry. It was all taken in a good spirit. It actually gave me a prod in the direction to be more serious about my weight loss. But yes, it was a horrible feeling!
I don’t always bake completely “healthy” stuff either, but somehow I get the feeling that this bread would be really good, so I’m bookmarking the page.
As far as the unhappy comments go, try not to let it fuel your depression, but rather your motivation to be your best 🙂 (I know, easier said than done)
My son asked me two days back why I have SUCH a big tummy and whether there is a baby in there!!? I am still in recovery!!
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It happens to me ALL the time :(, and that too at beauty parlours. I have even had a couple of people give up their seats for me thinking I was pregnant. Sigh.
Love the rustic feel of the pics.
indugetscooking recently posted..Mocha Cake
Thanks Indu!
P.S: I think its the curse of the food blogger!
I am so sorry to hear your experience – although it was a long time ago. I feel that way every once in a while esp when my parents and friends say – oh wow you have gained some weight..its not a pleasant feeling but again, I try to take it as a positive remark and get into eating better and run often. I have to try this bread soon.
dixya@food, pleasure, and health recently posted..For a Change. #mimm